Values & Standards In Relationships
In a relationship, “values” refer to the core beliefs and principles that guide a person’s behavior and interactions with their partner, while “standards” represent the specific qualities and behaviors a person expects and considers acceptable from their partner, often based on those core values. So essentially, values form the foundation of what a person deems important in a relationship, while standards are the practical application of those values in terms of behavior and expectations.
Some Key values in relationships include:
- Honesty – Open and truthful communication with each other at all times sharing one’s true feelings and dealings
- Trust – A belief in your partner’s reliability and good intentions that their words and actions will always align
- Respect – Valuing your partner’s opinions, feelings, and boundaries
- Equality – Treating each other fairly and with same level of consideration
- Loyalty – Being faithful and committed to your partner always considering their wellbeing in all your dealings having their back whether they are present or not
- Compassion – Showing empathy and understanding for your partner’s emotions and offering help and support when needed
- Communication – Open and effective expression of thoughts and needs ensuring each party understands what’s being communicated by the other
- Compromise – Willingness to meet in the middle and find solutions together on matters not affecting your non-negotiables
- Security – Being protected and never harmed by partner whether verbally, mentally, physically – intentionally or unintentionally
- Stability – Having a fixed home and main income where everyday lifestyle is predictable for both party. (Other homes and variable incomes are of course great to have, but the fixed is most important for stability)
Some Examples of standards in relationships based on those values:
- Honesty standard – Always disclosing important information and not lying to each other
- Respect standard – Not putting your partner down, actively listening to their perspective
- Equality standard – Sharing household responsibilities fairly and making decisions together
- Loyalty standard – Not engaging in behaviors that could jeopardize the relationship, such as flirting with others, or speaking badly about the other when they are not around
- Communication standard – Making time to talk openly about feelings and concerns
Important points to remember:
- Individual differences –
Everyone has their own unique set of values and standards, which is why open and honest communication is crucial in a relationship, and especially when dating.
- Setting boundaries –
Clearly defining what behaviors are acceptable and unacceptable within the relationship is crucial, especially in the dating phase.
- Flexibility –
Being willing to adapt and compromise on certain aspects of your standards not affecting your non-negotiables, when necessary.
- Self-reflection –
Examining your own values and standards to ensure they are healthy and realistic, and your non-negotiables are clearly defined and separated from your negotiables.
It is very important to ensure your values and standards are both the same in the dating phase of the relationship, and part ways instead of compromising on your core values and standards, if they are not in alignment.
And when it comes to finance – which is a central component in relationships, it is important to figure it out when dating as to how you both will operate in the home when it comes to your finances. Will each party keep their personal bank account and finances separate while contributing a specified amount to a joint account that sustains the home and home environment, or will you both combine all your bank accounts and finances and make it accessible to both parties? Which is important to you? And which is important to your potential partner? Are you both on the same page? If not, are you willing to compromise if this is not a non-negotiable?
Remember, the relationship is filled with butterflies in the early stages, so be careful not to overlook things that are important to you – your non-negotiables, which will be magnified once the honeymoon phase is over.